Women - - Restrain from giving any unsolicited advice.
Men - - Listen whenever a woman speaks, with the sole intention of respectfully understanding what she's going through.
After receiving, and replying to an e-mail from my husband yesterday, I rolled it around in my head for hours. I was coming to the conclusion that I had been living with a stranger for 21 years, and couldn't understand why I had not seen it before yesterday. I knew we had differences, but I never gave it the credence it deserved.
I have always felt that we, as a couple, thought about things in basically the same way, with pretty much the same conclusions. But after reading his latest e-mail, over and over again, I was having trouble relating to the man whose words I was trying to make sense of.
This morning, I woke up still reeling from yesterday's correspondence, trying to put everything into perspective. I am no longer filled with the anger of six months ago, but I'm still bewildered and frustrated, so I analyse every bit of information and try to rationalize what is happening. Since the anger is subsiding, the ability to step back from the situation and think logically, is a little easier.
During this analytic process this morning, the much touted book of the 1990s popped into my head, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, by John Gray. I probably have a copy of it somewhere that was either given to me, or I purchased at the height of its popularity, but I don't believe I ever read it. Well, this morning I had a burning need to get my hands on a copy.
I went to Audible online, and they had the audio version that was read by the author himself. I had a credit, so I downloaded it and began listening. OMG, why had I not read this book!!! After just the first four chapters I was relating to everything he said. He was talking about us!
Because my husband refused to seek counseling, I believe that his wanting a divorce goes deeper than just not being able to communicate, and I believe that there has been irreparable damage done to our relationship, so I have no misguided belief that there will be a reconciliation, but I do now know, with nearly unquestionable certainty, that men and women are completely different beings.
If any of you are going through difficulties in your relationship, do not immediately assume that there is no help and that the end is near. Be open to a new way of seeing and relating to your partner - - and read John Gray's book.
I have read the book and agree with you. It should be mandatory reading, it helps make so much in a relationship between men and women, easier to understand. But sometimes understanding something, doesn't give us any power over changing it, for ourselves or for others.
ReplyDeleteI'm still listening. How much hurt could have been avoided if I/we had read this book! When it first came out, I thought it was just another one of those self-help, quick fixes, but we made almost every mistake he's talked about.
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