Ding, Ding, Ding!!!

By keeping silent and not communicating, the chance of slipping and saying something you want to keep secret is reduced.

It isn't a deep, dark problem, or a dilemma that needs to be worked out, it's self preservation and not wanting to be caught in a lie.

Holy s**t, why did it take me so long to figure it out!?!?!?

Enough. Enough.

How does a person take a situation, scramble it up, turn it to crap, and then feel justified for doing it?

How do two people share the same beliefs for so long and then turn out to be on completely opposite ends of the spectrum?

Why can't I get beyond the hurt, see this man for who he really is, and move on?

Why does it matter that he can't respect me enough to communicate with me?

This all came to a head again today because he's been in the area, and he was at the house. I tried to talk to him, and what he does is trivialize everything I say. He tries to make it seem that he has my best interest at heart, but does he?

It seems because he doesn't live here and doesn't have the daily responsibility, nothing concerning the house is very important, and everything can wait. This is a man who spent much of his free time working around the yard and the house. Did he do that because he took pride in our home, or because he didn't know how or didn't want to interact with his family?

When I tried to talk to him today about his relationship with our daughter, he told me that I set the rules for the holiday, and he respected that, but he wanted to take her to his parents' house on Christmas day to celebrated and enjoyed the holiday. What he was saying was that I deprived him of Christmas with his daughter. But now that he has time to spend with her, he doesn't want to. He spent the day with her yesterday, but he's leaving tomorrow to visit those long lost aunts.

It doesn't seem to occur to him that he was the one who broke up our family, and the one who chose to move to Alabama without his family.

Today, I gave him the power, once again, to turn me inside out while he walks away carefree. That's enough. It's time to stop letting this happen.

For some help and insight, I looked up the five stages of grief. Although they are talking about the physical death of a loved one, I feel that I am grieving the death of a relationship and lifestyle with a loved one. I'm hoping that I am finishing stage four and working my way to stage five. I don't want to be sad or angry anymore. I don't want to write about it anymore. I want to move on. I want to experience the sense of independence, hope and anticipation of new things to come that I was feeling before this holiday season started, and before he stepped back into my world.

It's time to work the "program!"


http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance

Lucky number 13

I have been trying to analyze why I had been dreading this holiday season. Why the pain has been so strong and so fresh.

Christmas morning I had a pain in my heart because there was no acknowledgment of the day from my husband. I just have so much trouble understand how 21 years of holidays can be forgotten and tossed aside as if they never happened. Is it an inability to express emotions? Is it a fear that I will interpret any expression of kindness as a gesture to rekindle a romance, or is it just poor manners?

Our daughter and I spend Christmas day together, and she really made an effort to help make it a fun and pleasant day. We opened presents, she made pancakes, we watched "A Christmas Story" at least three times, we visited and fed the geese, we went out to get dinner, we saw "Les Miserable," and we ended the night by driving around neighborhoods looking at light displays. It was a really nice day.

Today my husband stopped by to spend the day with our daughter. He came into the house and gave me a hug, but once that was over, he reverted back to the person I have come to know over the last year.

Instead of spending a few days with our daughter, who will be here until January 2, and who he may not see again for months, he says he's going off to visit long lost aunts on Friday. This is an activity I find incredibly bizarre, but I tend to think that other "plans" might be more likely. Either way, his priorities seem to be out of whack.

After looking at all of this, and analyzing what I can, I have determined that it's not that this man isn't going to be in my life that is causing the pain, but that it has been so easy for him to cast aside our life together and giving it absolutely no credence. I think once I can get beyond the disrespect, the pain will begin to go away.

Our daughter reminded me that 13 is my lucky number, so bring on the New Year!!

There IS light after a setback.

I have been away from the blogosphere for far too long, and I apologize, but I have had a few setbacks in the process of my personal healing.

About a month ago I got a case of sciatica that just knocked the wind out of me. Pain doesn't usually slow me down, but this stopped me in my tracks. I went to my primary care provider and his solution to my back, hip and thigh pain was to send me to a podiatrist - - REALLY??

I found a wonderful Chiropractor who has brought me back from the unrelenting pain, but unfortunately, my insurance doesn't cover chiropractic care, so now the pain is in my bank account - - sigh!

That was just the beginning of my current journey. My next hurdle was a bit more tragic in nature, and it was at this point that I came to realize how I had been putting my energy and well being into the wrong hands for a very long time. The ones who truly love and care for me, I was keeping at a safe distance, not letting them into my private world for fear  - -  fear of what I'm not sure. Possibly disapproval or rejection, or the false belief that I was doing it for my family.

My fear has been unfounded, because I have been introduced to the people who really care, and who really are there when I need them the most. These aren't new people to my life. They have been there, just waiting for me to see the light.

Forgive me for being so selfish and unwilling to share myself completely, but I think I'm on the road to awareness and sharing. For those of you who have reached out to me since my world turned upside down, thank you. If I haven't reached back yet, I'm sorry, but I'm on my way. Please keep your hands extended because I need them more than you know!

Sandy . . .

The October 2012 hurricane came through, and left a heavy cloud.

I let the anticipation of her arrival, and then her actual appearance weigh heavily on my shoulders. This was the second hurricane in just over a year that I prepared for on my own, and then waited for it to be over.

By the time all the rain and the wind was gone, I was in a terrible funk that has taken three days to step out of.

Yesterday, after the rain stopped, I took a walk around the house to see if there was any damage. My poor butterfly bush took the most beating. I trimmed it back and tried to get it back into the ground. Last year when it came up, I had help from a neighbor, but this year I was on my own.

Today I took all the branches to the back of the property where the yard waste goes. While I was back there, I found a thin, tall tree that had been snapped in half and fallen on the wire fence. I did what I could with that, and then I tackled all the oak leaves that covered my driveway. I think I've decided that I don't ever want to live in another house that has Oak trees all over the property. 

I filled the wheelbarrow seven times with leaves and acorns, and made the trek to the back of the property seven more times. All I kept thinking was that although, I am very happy that the house and the property weathered another storm, I am not enjoying being here and taking care of all the maintenance, both routine and emergency, all alone. Having a three level house and a half acre of land is a lot for one, middle aged woman, but add hurricanes, earthquakes and whatever else has come through here in the last year, it's much, much more than I want to deal with alone.

At the mercy of others . . .

I think I have always stood up for my convictions. I can't think of a time in my adult life when I backed away from what I strongly believed to be right. Because of that, I have made life hard for myself on many occasions.

I have often wondered what it would be like to just be a follower, and go through life blissfully unaware of what is truly happening.

As much as I try to be open minded, and see things from another perspective, I can't help but wonder how people, who seem to come from similar situations and backgrounds, can be so polarized.

Doing the correct and the best thing when taking on a "project" of any size can be a daunting task, but pair that with having to work with or around people who don't or can't see the same vision, always makes me wonder how the two visions can be so very different and why there is no middle ground.

I used to be a big volunteer person. I loved the thought of doing something good for a cause. Unfortunately, there always seemed to be someone who was power hungry, and who was at the opposite end of the goal-objective-scale than I was. Because I'm not good at backing down on my beliefs, tension would insue, and the whole point of what we were trying to do was lost in the disagreement. I have stopped volunteering, and my mental health thanks me!

The reason this is all fresh in my mind is because I have been thinking a lot about how we are often at the mercy of other people's actions and beliefs, and how it can turn our own life into a miserable mess. Could I go through life ignorantly and happily, just being a follower, without a care in the world - - Nope!

Quotes for the day . . .

I saw the first quote this morning and it struck a cord; I wanted to share it. I've also included a few more, along with a website I found. Here's to a good day and a happy life!!!


"When you choose to forgive those who have hurt you, you take away their power."
~Unknown

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."
~Unknown

"No matter how full your life my seem, there is always room for a couple of beers with a friend."

 ~Unknown

“I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do! That is character!” 

~Theodore Roosevelt

“Don’t ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” 

~Howard Thurman

“Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.” 

~Denis Waitley

“A man is not old until regrets take the place of his dreams.” 

~Proverb

Link to "Tiny Buddha."

An aha moment . . .

‘We never live; we are always in the expectation of living.’~Voltaire


I have been spending a lot of time in the car lately. Over the summer, I discovered an application for my phone, courtesy of Amazon (I wish I had bought stock in that company!!), that's called Audible. It's a site where you can browse a large selection of books, read reviews, get samples, buy and download a book and then turn it on and have a book read to you. I have been read to at home, in the gym and in the car. I have the books on my phone, on my computer, and on my Kindle. It automatically syncs with any device I'm using, and picks up right where I left off on another device - - magical!

Since April, I have had a very hard time reading a book and concentrating on what I'm reading, so when I found this app, I was thrilled.

Last week I listened to "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown. I had never heard of it, but it got good reviews and seemed very appropriate for what's currently happening in my life. 

The author discussed how we conform to the expectations of others and miss the important things in our life. She gives examples, talks about her own imperfections, and then suggests ways we can stop conforming and start living. 

The section that really caught my attention was about how we rush our lives away. We are always in a hurry to get to the next thing in life without stopping long enough to just be in the moment. This is how I have been living for as long as I can remember. I sometimes feel like I wished away my life, waiting for, and anticipating the next stage of life without enjoying the stage I was in.

I have been making a concerted effort to be in the moment, trying not to think about the list of things I need to do and the places I should be instead of where I am. I have been very conscious of my surroundings and the people that I encounter, and I've tried not to be impatient when things aren't moving at the speed I would like them to be moving. 

 "Why are you in such a rush?" is my new question to myself. I think if I can stop skipping ahead to the next thing before the current thing is over, I will reap the benefits.  

Is it really September 30?

Time is just flying by. It was a year ago this week that my life was taking a turn in a new direction. Things started to unravel, and I don't know if I wasn't seeing it, or I didn't want to see it. Looking back now, I can see how obvious and abrupt the change was.

A year later, I'm over the worst of it, and finding out that although I miss the companionship of a partner, I'm also finding out that life goes on, and I can actually still function.

This was a busy week. I spent the majority of the week going through and editing pictures from a llama show I went to last weekend.

On Monday we went to our last County Fair of the year to enter our photos. We have a new member of our party, so there were three of us delivering pictures. I was the only one of the three who didn't enter some other article that I had sewn, knitted, canned, baked or grown - - and here I thought I was an over achiever! 

Wednesday morning I took the car for its first emissions test - - I thought it was going to be a big deal, but instead, I think it was an easy way for the state of Maryland to make $14.00. For passing its first test I treated the car to a wash and dry.

Wednesday evening we went back to the Fair to see how we did. The newest member of our party won a Best in Show for a flower she had grown in her garden. It made me want to rush home and weed the garden and plant some flowers!! 

We spent two or three hours at the Fair that night, eating, taking pictures, and I got to see a long lost friend. Although there was no Best in Show ribbon on any of my pictures, we had a really nice evening.

For the last couple of months, the oak trees have been dropping acorns like crazy. The Farmers' Almanac says that means we will have a very cold and snowy winter. If acorns are truly an indicator, we may all be snowed in for months. I have filled three wheelbarrows with acorns in the last month, the last load was yesterday. When I got home this afternoon, the driveway was covered again. How can two trees make so many acorns?

I have learned a new photo processing technique, and I'm in love. I naturally had to try it out at my local pond. It didn't work well on the residents of the pond because they move too quickly, but it worked very well on the pond itself.

Today I spent the day with a friend that I have known for several years, but we only recently discovered that we have much more in common than we first thought.

We went on a shopping trip to Trader Joe's - - organic vegetables and shade-grown coffee beans from Ethiopia - - and then we got lunch and took it to a park that was on the Potomac River were we had a view of Mount Vernon. It was a beautiful day that we got to spend in the sun by the water - and of course I got to try my newly learned photo technique.

It's been a good week, and I'm feeling like there are new and exciting things ahead. I will be welcoming October with open arms.

Links to photos of the week:

http://www.evalightfootphotos.com/Llama-and-Alpaca-Shows/East-Coast-Invitational/25561829_J4fqFh#!i=2108282454&k=HD6zgDt

http://www.evalightfootphotos.com/Photography/High-Dynamic-Range-HDR/25581147_6fKVhB#!i=2110605172&k=kjMvp5V

http://www.evalightfootphotos.com/Landscapes/Potomac-across-from-Mt-Vernon/25667649_9F9XnR#!i=2120125375&k=jKrzGJW

The cat isn't happy . . .

but I've really enjoyed having a dog in the house again.

She follows me around, and up and down. We went for a walk, she inspired me to mow the backyard (so I could find the poop). She's happy to see me every time I walk into the room, even if it was just five seconds since she saw me last.

We all need someone who is just beside themselves with happiness to be with us, and although Maggie is very tired from a full day of girl bonding, she has been my "someone" today.

Thank you for coming for a visit, Maggie, and thank you to your mom and dad for letting you come and play.

OMG . . .

When did life get so complicated. I feel like I woke up and I am no longer able to deal with all the numbers, accounts, passwords, links, websites . . .

All of these things are supposed to be simplifying our lives, but when you have to make a spread sheet that's two pages long with account numbers and passwords, simplification doesn't work into the equation.

My husband sent me a text last night (one of those wonderful things that is supposed to simplify our lives) telling me that my electric bill was paid out of his account. Three hours after I replied to that text saying I would take care of it in the morning, I got an e-mail (yup, another thing to simplify our lives) saying that a check had just been sent out of MY account to pay the electric bill. My electric bill was paid twice, once from our joint account and once from my account.

When I tried to get this straightened out with the electric company this morning, I had to try to give them all the numbers necessary to access the account and figure out what was happening. While I was on the phone, I had to try to get information from one financial institution, but from two separate accounts within that institution.  It takes a password, a security code and a security question to get into each of these accounts. If you get any of these passwords, codes or questions incorrect three times, they block you for the account. Well that's what I did. I put MY information into the joint account not realizing what I was doing, and bingo, I was no longer allowed to play their game.

Brian was the kind gentleman who had the pleasure of dealing with me while I sweated, shuffling spread sheets, balanced the phone on my shoulder, swore, typed and tried to keep all the information straight in my head, while trying to access two separate accounts AND look at my electric bill online, all at the same time. He was very patient, but when I finally said that I was going to have to call back, he was just a little too eager to agree with me.

I think I got everything sorted out, but I also think I'm mostly crossing my fingers and hoping the account fairy is going to make everything okay!

I bought myself a present!

I wanted to go for a bike ride the other night. When I got on the bike I discovered that the seat was too low. I was going to raise it, but I couldn't find a wrench - - the only tools I was left with were a hammer, an assortment of screwdrivers, a needle nose plier, and a tape measure. Needless to say, none of those tools were going to help me raise the seat.

I took my ride, and told myself that I needed to expand on my tool collection. 

Aren't they pretty!!!

This morning I headed out to make a recycle run, and thought I would go to one of the local Farmers Markets after visiting the dump. My trip took several detours. One of those detours was a stop at the Calvert Fairgrounds where they were having a huge Flea Market. I parked the car, grabbed my camera and set out to see what treasures I could find.

It's amazing how much "stuff" is out there that you don't need, but if you need tools, it seems that a local Flea Market is the place to go. I could have gotten electric drills, sanders, saws and every kind of hand tool imaginable, but I decided to start out slowly. I bought two wrenches from a sweet old man who had recently cleaned out his work shop because he's downsizing. I got my two new tools for a grand total of three dollars - - I was happy!! He seemed happy, too!

They need your vote . . .

There are so many rescue groups, and so many animals that need help, food, love and a home

I have mixed feelings about the soldiers bringing stray animals back to the United States after their deployment. I love that they are helping these poor animals, and I'm happy that they now have a new, loving home, but on the other hand, I can't help but think about all the animals in the United States who are euthanized everyday because they don't have a forever home.

I want all animals to be treated with love and kindness, and we need to start at home. 

The citizens of the United States need to learn to be responsible. They need to learn how very important it is to spay and neuter their animals. They need to keep their pets off the streets. They need to microchip them in case they get lost. They need to stop tying them to a post in the hot sun and freezing snow without food or water. They need to stop breeding them when there are so many animals that need a loving home. If people what a pure breed, there is a rescue group for every breed imaginable, they just need to do a little research.

I admire this group, Puppy Rescue Mission aka: The Puppy Rescue Mission, and praise them for the work that they do, but we all need to step-up and help our own homeless citizens.

https://fb.chasegiving.com/charity/view/ein/27-4295476?ref=9c067b6ea7&sr=1

Sunday . . .

I don't know how one day of the week can feel so lonely and empty.

Even as a child, I really disliked Sundays. It was the day that friends had to stay home with family, stores were closed, and television went on vacation - - but only having five channels didn't help.

Today I've done a little bit of everything, but still feel that terrible sick, sinking feeling of loneliness.

After a trip to Target, I went to the pond to visit Nanny and her friends. When I get there I had three white muscovy ducks come running to meet me. They followed me half way around the pond hoping I would produce something wonderful to eat.

At one point I squatted down to get closer and they got right in my face, but in a companionable way, not a pushy, obnoxious way. They have beautiful green eyes, and they were looking right into my eyes.

I would have stayed longer, but there were women screaming, yelling, chasing the ducks, and running away. I don't understand these people who take bread for the ducks, but are afraid of them when they come to get fed.

Now I'm waiting to go pick up my Fair pictures, and then I want to come home and put Sunday to bed.

It's official . . .

Summer has given way to the beginning of Fall activities.

Students have returned to school. 

I remember going shopping for new clothes for that first day of school. When I was in school, we went back after Labor Day, and we really felt like summer was over and there were cooler, new beginnings ahead. Now, students go back to school at the end of August and it still feels like summer and cooler weather isn't in the air. 

There are changes happening all the time, all around us. Sometimes it's a good change, sometimes it's an unpleasant or very bad change (climate change). 

For the last four years, September has meant county fairs. 

My best friend and I have entered our photographs in the Southern Maryland county fairs. The first year we did it, we only entered our local fair. We had so much fun, we have added one or two more fairs to our schedule each year. This year will be entering four of them!!! I think the only thing left for us to conquer is the State Fair.

My two day project of wiring picture frames.

We take pictures all year, going on day trips to find new and different things to photograph. Those day trips have been so much fun, and have left me with great memories that can be rekindled each time we collect and share our pictures.

For now, all my selections are ready for all the fairs.

In a year of major change and emotional upheaval, I still have my best friend and our tradition of picture taking, fair preparation, and joys of sharing a special time. Thank you, my dear friend!!!!

My website with 98% of my pictures - - including Fair pictures.

Once in a Blue Moon . . .

I jumped the gun last night rushing out to photograph the August 2012 Blue Moon. The moon will be officially full tonight.

Sometimes you get a second chance to correct mistakes, poor decisions, misunderstandings and injustices that have been committed.

Tonight I will be able to correct my error in dates and photographs, but that's an easy fix. I have another error that isn't going to be as easy to fix. I rushed to take care of the written separation between my husband and myself because I wanted to be done with it and him. Now, because I didn't insist that he contribute to the summer expenses when our daughter was home, and to provide me with an emergency fund, I am having to steal from Peter to pay Paul.

Wouldn't it be fun if it really was blue!!

I thought I was smarter than this, but I have allowed someone to put me in a very uncomfortable and unfamiliar situation.

I cannot emphasis enough how important it is for women to remain in control of their lives, and not become dependent on another person. No matter how much you think they will love you, take care of you, and never hurt you, there are no guarantees. 

Enjoy the Blue Moon, TONIGHT, August 31, 2012!!!

Symbolism?

I'm very good at keeping myself busy. For example: Today I cleaned the appliances in the kitchen, washed the kitchen floor, pulled weeds around the front garden, and went through an app that helps you learn French. This evening I had a long, leisurely dinner with my bestie. 

While I was in the garden today, I noticed a monarch butterfly on the butterfly bush. When I looked more closely, I saw that the bush was full of butterflies and hummingbird moths. It was a sign that I needed to get my camera and see what I could capture.

When my daughter was a little girl, we raised Painted Lady butterflies each spring for three or four years. We even took some cocoons on vacation with us one year because I thought that the butterflies would hatch while we were gone - - they waited until we got back home.

Watching the entire process: from egg, to caterpillar, to chrysalis, to butterfly, you appreciate the complexity, the beauty, the fragility, and the importance of each stage this tiny being goes through to emerge as a beautiful butterfly. 

I'm seeing a correlation between the birth of a butterfly, and my birth as an independent woman. Once the stages of metamorphoses are complete, I, just like the butterfly, will embrace my new environment and my new body. The temporary time I will spend alone, staying busy and focused, will only be until the next stage is complete.  

The waiting is over!

I am now the epitome of an Empty Nester - - no child, and no husband.

Knowing what was in store for me last week, I provided myself with the ultimate distraction - - I packed up my cat and my two betta fish, and I ran away from home, right into the arms of my family. 

Between my daughter going back to school, and my husband pulling a moving van into my driveway, I knew I couldn't be here to watch. I was also very sure that I was not going to help him pack, so I left for nine days and stayed on the farm with my mother, sister, llamas, goats, horses, cats and a dog - - what more could a girl ask for?

The day after my husband left, I packed up my cat and fish once again and we headed home. I tried to brace myself for what I knew awaited me; but still, I felt the pain when I got home and familiar things were missing, the garage was void of tools and unfinished projects, and some rooms were very sparse. I walked through the house in disbelief. I’m still in shock that this has all transpired in ten months. 

The oddest part of coming home and finding everything different was that my husband had emptied all the wastebaskets and trashcans, cleaned all the bathrooms, vacuumed, and left me a note. The care that he took to leave everything in clean and orderly condition took me by surprise. Although he has been organized and considerate during our marriage, he has not been as considerate for the last ten months.

I am thankful that his last act, in the home that we shared, was respectful. I’m just sorry that he was unable to do that for the last ten months. What a different experience this would have been.

The waiting is over, and I have successfully completed my first, stress-free day on my own.

A thistle from the farm.

The thistle is renowned in Scotland where it is not only the country's national emblem, but also the base of Scotland's ancient order of chivalry known as "The Order of the Thistle." Oral tradition attributes this to a war between the Scottish and the Vikings of Denmark. When the Vikings attempted to surprise the Scots at night, one of them supposedly placed a bare foot on a thistle, causing him to cry out in pain and alerting the Scots to the Vikings' presence.

Read more: What Is the Meaning of the Thistle? | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_6724260_meaning-thistle_.html#ixzz24iAXfzua

Pictures from my week at the farm:

http://www.evalightfootphotos.com/LowerSherwoodFarm/August-16-24-2012/24986051_gkDnz3#!i=2047055571&k=J8Sb8S4

A very full week . . .

It's hard to believe the summer is winding down and my daughter is heading back to school on Friday.

She's been home since the end of April. She got a week off and then was right back to the books while she challenged and conquered three summer classes - - getting an "A"in Statistics













Once she finished her classes, she was on her way to Paris with her paternal grandmother. When she got home and we were able to make some plans.

We planned a two day trip to Ocean City. We both got into the ocean and I got to parasail.

When we got home we checked on Nanny Goose because she had been left behind by her Canada goose family and was looking very lost and sad when we left earlier in the week.

The following day we made the trip to Annapolis for a two hour ride in a 57' schooner. There wasn't any wind, so it was a slow motor down the Severn River.











On Sunday we went into DC to take pictures. We found the newly renovated Bartholdi fountain and the Botanical Garden.












Tomorrow my buddy will be going back to school to start her Junior year. I will miss her, but I think it's going to be an amazing year for her.

Thank you for a fun summer!!!!!

Ocean City:

http://www.evalightfootphotos.com/Family/Ocean-City-August-7-8-and-9/24699004_k7RzDp#!i=2019623288&k=jDp5gJ5

Severn River:

http://www.evalightfootphotos.com/Landscapes/Annapolis-August-11-2012/24698172_6N7tQp#!i=2019556200&k=79nQbCD

Washington DC:

http://www.evalightfootphotos.com/Portraits/Carrie-and-Albert/24722241_vLJLDp#!i=2021791233&k=fSbF2m3

Sitting on the edge of my seat . . .

waiting!


Seems I've done that for most of my life.


Right now I'm waiting for it to rain, but that's just a very small thing on a much grander scale.


I couldn't wait to grow up. I couldn't wait to be finished with school. I couldn't wait to experience the world. I couldn't wait to find someone special. I couldn't wait to have a child. I couldn't wait for that child to grow up. I couldn't wait until we retired. I couldn't wait to visit and see all the places and things on my long list of things to wait for. I couldn't wait to find my niche in life.


Now I'm waiting for the day when I am alone and starting my new life as a single, middle-aged, unemployed, mother of a college student who is counting the minutes until she is back at school.


Apprehension doesn't quite cover how I've been feeling the last few months waiting for this big day, but as the day grows closer, I'm starting to feel just the slightest twinge of excitement about what lies ahead.

These are some of the things on my desk that distract me from the waiting game. 

No, I don't gamble; I like to roll the dice in my hands when I'm thinking.

I have had people whom I've only met online, who have reached out to encourage me on my new journey. They have become part of my long distance family, and I hope I'm able to add to their lives as much as they have added to mine.


The time has come to stop waiting and to start living - - and maybe even start meeting the people who have become a part of my life!