I have been trying to analyze why I had been dreading this holiday season. Why the pain has been so strong and so fresh.
Christmas morning I had a pain in my heart because there was no acknowledgment of the day from my husband. I just have so much trouble understand how 21 years of holidays can be forgotten and tossed aside as if they never happened. Is it an inability to express emotions? Is it a fear that I will interpret any expression of kindness as a gesture to rekindle a romance, or is it just poor manners?
Our daughter and I spend Christmas day together, and she really made an effort to help make it a fun and pleasant day. We opened presents, she made pancakes, we watched "A Christmas Story" at least three times, we visited and fed the geese, we went out to get dinner, we saw "Les Miserable," and we ended the night by driving around neighborhoods looking at light displays. It was a really nice day.
Today my husband stopped by to spend the day with our daughter. He came into the house and gave me a hug, but once that was over, he reverted back to the person I have come to know over the last year.
Instead of spending a few days with our daughter, who will be here until January 2, and who he may not see again for months, he says he's going off to visit long lost aunts on Friday. This is an activity I find incredibly bizarre, but I tend to think that other "plans" might be more likely. Either way, his priorities seem to be out of whack.
After looking at all of this, and analyzing what I can, I have determined that it's not that this man isn't going to be in my life that is causing the pain, but that it has been so easy for him to cast aside our life together and giving it absolutely no credence. I think once I can get beyond the disrespect, the pain will begin to go away.
Our daughter reminded me that 13 is my lucky number, so bring on the New Year!!
Eva I lived with a guy for 8 yrs. he was the love of my life. I gave him my heart body and soul. I thought we would be together for ever. ( this was after my 20 yr. marriage). I came home from work one day and he was gone moved out. too this day I do not have any idea why. I had to think about me after he crushed my heart. my mom said not to let him put you in the ditch that he is in. I thought about.picked my head up and moved on. hard lord yes. you have to stop beating yourself up for a answer you may never get.
ReplyDeleteEva that is from Dale
DeleteI'm sorry you had to go through this, too. It is really awful, and when I think I'm okay, I turn around and I'm not as okay as I thought. I know I will never get an answer. It's the lack of respect that hurts the most.
ReplyDeleteNever let a man that did to you what he did to you after 21 years be a "pain in your heart"...because he's a "pain in the a$$".....you'll do fine...to hell with him...rock on...♥
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right! Thank you!! <3<3
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