How do two people share the same beliefs for so long and then turn out to be on completely opposite ends of the spectrum?
Why can't I get beyond the hurt, see this man for who he really is, and move on?
Why does it matter that he can't respect me enough to communicate with me?
This all came to a head again today because he's been in the area, and he was at the house. I tried to talk to him, and what he does is trivialize everything I say. He tries to make it seem that he has my best interest at heart, but does he?
It seems because he doesn't live here and doesn't have the daily responsibility, nothing concerning the house is very important, and everything can wait. This is a man who spent much of his free time working around the yard and the house. Did he do that because he took pride in our home, or because he didn't know how or didn't want to interact with his family?
When I tried to talk to him today about his relationship with our daughter, he told me that I set the rules for the holiday, and he respected that, but he wanted to take her to his parents' house on Christmas day to celebrated and enjoyed the holiday. What he was saying was that I deprived him of Christmas with his daughter. But now that he has time to spend with her, he doesn't want to. He spent the day with her yesterday, but he's leaving tomorrow to visit those long lost aunts.
It doesn't seem to occur to him that he was the one who broke up our family, and the one who chose to move to Alabama without his family.
Today, I gave him the power, once again, to turn me inside out while he walks away carefree. That's enough. It's time to stop letting this happen.
For some help and insight, I looked up the five stages of grief. Although they are talking about the physical death of a loved one, I feel that I am grieving the death of a relationship and lifestyle with a loved one. I'm hoping that I am finishing stage four and working my way to stage five. I don't want to be sad or angry anymore. I don't want to write about it anymore. I want to move on. I want to experience the sense of independence, hope and anticipation of new things to come that I was feeling before this holiday season started, and before he stepped back into my world.
It's time to work the "program!"
http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance
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