June 2013

This month marks a year since I had decided to write a blog and share my experience as a middle-aged woman going through a separation, and now a much anticipated divorce.

It has been quite a year, and it just keeps getting a little more interesting with each passing day.

I'm still legally married.  I'm still in our house. I'm still trying to come to terms with everything that has happened, and just when I think there is nothing else that I'm going to have to process, something new is served up on a platter of trash.

This month has been filled with huge revelations, and it's only the middle of the month.

My daughter has known since November that her married father has been having an affair. She felt that, as the adult, her father should be the one to tell his wife that he was seeing someone new before he was divorced. Unfortunately, she was expecting too much from a man who lies as a way of life, and who was no character.

I just found out this month that he has visited my daughter twice since January, and he wasn't alone. The first visit, he showed up with his girlfriend, without taking the time to mention to my daughter that he was bringing this person. On the second trip he showed up with his parents and his diamond-engagement-ring-clad girlfriend. Again, his plans were vague, and he certainly didn't have the courtesy or the courage to mention to my daughter that they were engaged.

My immediate reaction was anger, not because he chose to end our 21 year marriage for another woman, and that he lied to me for almost two years about it, but because he and his parents thought that this was a perfectly acceptable thing to do to my daughter.

This was the kick in the pants that I needed to finally realize just how disturbed this man and his parents are. For a year and a half I kept thinking that he was suffering from some trauma, and I kept asking him to talk to someone and get some help. I thought that he needed to work some things out and he would come to his senses, but as it turns out, the only thing he needed to work out was to get my daughter to tell me what was happening because he wasn't man enough to do it himself, and how to try and ease his guilty conscience about being such a jackass.

The one thing that I would like to impart on the women out there who might be going through something similar; listen to that inner voice that is trying to guide you. Women are very smart, and we know when something is off. We just don't always pay attention, or we try to rationalize what is happening.

I knew deep down, as soon as I saw my husband get off the plane from Iraq a year and a half ago, that everything was different between the two of us. He denied, denied, denied and denied again that there was anyone else, but I knew there was. I just hoped that I was wrong, so I held on to that sliver of hope. By doing that, I was holding myself back from moving forward while he's just been having a grand old time.

Now that the truth is out, I've finally been released to move on.

A new man in my life.

On May 13, a new and exciting man entered my life. He is such a gentleman, and I'm so happy that we met.

It was a chance meeting. He was relaxing after a long day at the office when I walked in and our eyes met. I do believe it was love at first sight.

I tried not to show my interest, but he saw right through me. I invited him home for dinner the following evening, and he accepted. I was giddy with happiness.

We tried not to get too serious too quickly, but he had my heart, and I asked him to move in. I can't remember when I have had a man in my life that is so easy to get along with, and who I know I will be able to love and trust for the rest of our natural born lives.

I would like to introduce you to Nagasaki, who I affectionately refer to as Mr. Chunk.

Our first chance meeting. He was taking a break after a long day.

He came for dinner.

We stayed up late talking. He is so easy to talk to, and what a great listener.

We are able to have long, meaningful conversations.

He is always willing to help me get my work done.

And he is sooo laid back. There is never any pressure!

Good morning world!!!!

I had a day of revelations yesterday. All my suspicions and theories of the last year and a half were confirmed. I lived with a functioning pathological liar and narcissist. 

What he has done to me, he did to his first wife twenty-two years ago. 
 He's got problems and I wish he would go get some help, but he believes all of his lies. I'm sorry that I was the target of his manipulation because it would have been interesting to watch this whole saga unfold as an observer.

I'm actually relieved that it's out. What I'm most upset about is that he put Jane in the middle of this, probably hoping that she would spill the beans so he didn't have to. He is a coward.

It's a woman he went to high school with who has been sending Christmas cards to us since we were married. She's going through a divorce - - probably prompted by their reconnection, and she has two or three boys. I don't know if they had been in communication before he went to Iraq, but he did admit that they exchanged "a couple emails" while he was in Iraq.

The opportunities to tell the truth, to right a wrong, but he is just incapable of doing the right thing. He even admitted to me recently that he can't do the right thing.

So, now that I have moaned and groaned about my marital situation, which I wasn't going to do anymore (it's almost over), I thought a happier, more upbeat topic was in order.

Sharing and venting.

The sharing part . . .

I posted this picture earlier on my FB page, but my daughter was not happy about the way her hair looks (I think it's pretty!!), so I took the picture down. But I really wanted to share this moment in time because my family looks so happy and healthy in this picture. This was 2007, before our life started to crumble.

I keep thinking, "The Way We Were"

The photo made me smile when I found it, and it is relevant today because my daughter is wearing a shirt that we bought at Old Navy - - now the place of her summer employment. I thought she would get a kick out of seeing it - - wrong again!!!!

I realized that this was the final year that we were happy as a family.

It was almost exactly a year from the time this photo was taken, in 2007, to the time my husband's career started to eat us up. It slowly nibbled away until there was nothing left of him, and consequently, nothing left of us. He denies that this was a pivotal point, but I believe it was, and I'm sorry that I didn't insist that we seek help. Hindsight, as they say.

The venting part . . .

We are still married in the eyes of the law for another few weeks, but my husband has so successfully removed himself from any connection to me that if they gave out awards, he would be the big winner. He made a fifteen-hour road trip recently, which I just found out about, to the DC area; went to visit our daughter, but failed to mention any of it to me. That is such an incredible disconnect, that it makes me shudder.

We still own a house together. He has left me here (probably thinking how lucky I should feel) to manage, pay for, and care for, all on my own. He refuses to help with the maintenance or to contribute to pay for help. He wants profits from the sale, but he doesn't want the burden or the responsibility until then. For him not to have called to ask if I needed any help, or to mention that he visited our daughter, is the perfect example of who he has become.

I keep finding myself in situations where people want to have their cake and eat it, too, and screw anyone that may get hurt. I'm tired of being treated with such disrespect.

I had a couple, three weeks of frantic activity. I was coming and going, and doing, doing, doing. I was relieved that I had a couple of days that didn't have something or somewhere I had to be. It made me realize I don't have the nonstop energy I once had. 

Without question, coping with divorce can be one of the most difficult challenges a person faces in a lifetime. Mental health experts say the pain it causes rivals grieving the death of a loved one. But as Michaels' story illustrates, surviving divorce is possible.

The end is near . . .

The one year anniversary of our legal separation came and went last weekend. The final touches that will be taken care of by the court, attorney and legal examiner are taking place.

I am in such a better place than I was this time last year. I have rediscovered the woman I once was, I have been working on improving the old version, and I am welcoming her back into my life. I believe it is a time of celebration.

I still, occasionally, look back on our almost 22 years of marriage and wonder when things changed. I only have one answer for that, but it doesn't really matter anymore. The need to analyze it has been replaced with a determination to enjoy the second half of my life.

This morning I was cleaning up my computer desktop and found something that I saved last July, but had forgotten about. I read it over a couple of times and decided that I should put it somewhere where I can look at it and be reminded that everything that is important takes work, and without that work things start to unravel. I might have shared this last year, but I would like to share it again.

 

I haven't be posting on my blog because I felt that the marriage and the separation had run its course, and I have moved on to other things. I appreciate everyone who has followed my blog, who commented, and who supported me over the last year. The whole process has been very healing. Thank you!!!

I will let you know when everything has been finalized, but until then, I have my camera in hand and I am officially starting the next phase of my life.

Another Weekend . . .

Weekends seem to arrive faster and faster each week. The good news is that they are getting easier to fly through.

There are moments when everything is so quiet and so still it reminds me that I am completely alone - - even the cat and the betta fish are quiet.

Another OMG Moment

Only minutes after posting my blog about communication, my husband called to try and discuss some things to help me make sense of why we are where we are.

He asked where we should start, and I said that I needed to understand what happened and why. He started off by saying that he never wanted to hurt me, so I immediately think it's because I am no longer the thin beauty queen I used to be (I never held that title, but I wasn't bad to look at).

While he was overseas he says he had time to think about his life, and he decided that he was just settling, and that he didn't want to settle anymore. Did he mean he was settling for a lifestyle he didn't want (this wasn't my choice of lifestyles), or was he settling for a fat wife? Now, mind you, this is the first time I'm hearing this. At no point in the last two years has he said this to me. I had absolutely no indication that he was this unhappy. I didn't even have an indication that he was unhappy at all until one month before he came home. 

Then he begins to explaining what our fundamental differences are that he has been talking about but not defining. They are, family (his parents and brother and his brother's family), his career, and raising our daughter (who is now 20 and finished being raised). He is now claiming that he didn't agree with how I handled some situations while she was in high school, but he never once, at any point in time, lead me to believe that he disagreed or disapproved. As a matter of fact, he was the one who said she had the behavior of a sociopath, but that has slipped his mind, and he is now saying that she is perfectly normal.

Okay, his parents and I never got along, and they were always a thorn in my side. They treated me like the nursemaid, someone they had to tolerate in order to see their son and first born grandchild, and they were very unkind. My husband never stood up to them and corrected the situation, so their behavior never changed. I believe he thinks I am to blame because I never accepted them.

His career. I will admit that I was not a good military wife. I didn't like it, and wasn't usually crazy about the people, but I played the game in the beginning. I would ask him if he wanted me to participate in things and he would say, "I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do." He always made it seem unimportant, that he didn't want to participate either. He's now claiming that I was unwilling to socialize with his coworkers. He started naming people that he claims he wanted to socialize with, but I never wanted to be with - - they were people that we DID socialized with - - a lot, and some of them I considered friends. We ate out with them and went to their homes for dinner and they to ours. I have to think that he is talking about people that he worked with at the Pentagon where he was shuffled off to after he lost his job as a commander. I agree, I did not want to socialize with those people, but he spent time with them and they did things together that he liked to do.

Raising our daughter, well that is something that I was left alone to do on many occasions. When he was home, and had the opportunity to spend time with her, he didn't initiated anything, and when I asked him to do things with her, he would, but would get mad at her if she couldn't or wouldn't do it to his standards.

Later, as she grew up, the thing they did together was watch movies and memorize the dialog. He very rarely suggested anything for them to do. A few years ago my daughter wanted to have a father, daughter day, and she arranged for them to go to the driving range. He went, but didn't have fun and ruined her planned outing. The two things that he did do with her, in recent years, was to take her for sailing lessons which they did together, and he took her to New England to look at colleges. I think those may be the only true bonding times they had together.

He recently told me that he didn't believe I was going to get a business up and running because I was all talk and no action. This floored me. I couldn't believe he was saying this. I am the most determined woman he will ever meet. Tonight I asked him to explain what he meant. It turns out, I didn't lose weight and go to the gym as I said I would, and I didn't get a business started. Well, I did go to the gym when we were first married and I went to the gym after my daughter was born, and I got into the best shape of my life. In return, he had a yearlong affair (the relationship continued for many years after, but I don't believe it was physical - - only because they weren't in the same city.). After that it was always hard to get back into a routine, and I honestly had trouble getting motivated because I didn't have a reason to go. I gained weight after trying to stop smoking, and then finally stopping for good. I also developed a breathing problem that has never been resolved, and I packed on the pounds. He never had the courage to tell me I was fat, and he never went out of his way to help me.

As far as a business, I did have a business when we lived in New Mexico, and I had a steady little group of clients - - then we moved - - again! I'm guessing he is referring to starting a photography business, which wasn't anything that was even thought about until a couple of years ago, and at that time, I wasn't ready to sell my services. I was still learning what I was doing. He may also be talking about real estate. I took the class and got my license, but I decided I didn't want to do that, but I finished the class and passed the test. I think that's an accomplishment!

There are things in life that people talk about wanting to do, but things get in the way, life gets in the way, and those things either don't happen or they are put on the back burner. That doesn't make someone a failure, it means that it may not have been time, or it wasn't a true dream. Something that I found that my husband was unable to do was to shift from one thing to another. If something was discussed or planned, he couldn't alter those plans. He wasn't able to be flexible. Spontaneity made him uncomfortable, but I seem to remember that that was something he once appreciated in me. 

Then the final thing that drove him away was that we didn't have any common interests. I asked him to tell me what he wanted me to do with him that I didn't do - - he didn't have an answer. I asked him if he wanted someone to jog with him (I didn't jog when I could jog.) He said no. I told him that I would have done anything with him that he asked other than jogging and going to museums with his parents. He said he didn't think I would have, BUT he never bothered to ask. I have no idea what he wanted me to do that we didn't do. He did say about a year ago that I didn't like doing things like kayaking, but I do like that sort of thing, and we did it a couple of times. What he didn't understand, and still refuses to understand is that when you are overweight, getting into a tippy little boat is not very comfortable. It was another way for him to justify his decision to leave. I was uncomfortable so, therefore, I didn't want to do it - - incorrect!

So in closing, he told me that he had to leave or he was going to die. What do you say to that, other than, if it was sooooo bad, why would you not say something to your partner to let them know how miserable you are, and why wouldn't you make any kind of effort to try to correct things before they got to that point. I don't think I got a response to those questions. 

He told me how hard it was for him to leave, even though he spent six months taking care to finish projects and get everything in order. As soon as he finished his projects he announced he wanted a separation and then acted like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. I was no longer present in his life - - that's when I rather aggressively asked him to leave. He grabbed some things, went out the door, and never looked back.

My conclusion: He got a taste of freedom while he was overseas. It was the first time in his life he had been on his own and he liked it. He didn't want to come home to an overweight, middle aged wife, so he had to rewriting our history to justify his decision to walk away from a life that once was, and the promise of a life to be. I got the dirty work, getting him to this point, raising our daughter, making the endless moves, and now someone else can step in, or has already stepped in to reap the benefits. It has been his MO, to run away without looking back, so I shouldn't be surprised that he's done it again.

If he can sleep without a guilty conscience, then more power to him, but he has shown me in more ways than one that he is extremely shallow, he is incapable of a deep relationship, and it scared him to think that it was just going to be the two of us once he retired.

I didn't get all the answers that I needed, but I have a better understanding now and I'm hoping that's what I needed to let go.

A quote . . .

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.


Friedrich Nietzche

It takes two . . .

Through my digging out, and trying to reach the other side, while trying to beat the clock before the alarm sounds that my marriage is officially over, I have done a lot of introspection and dissection of my myself, my husband and our marriage.

I can't stress enough how important communication is in a relationship - any relationship. If this skill isn't practiced and nurtured, it can't develop into something that is valuable and workable once all the distractions are removed, especially in a marriage; children, pets, jobs, social commitments and any other things that we use as a way to comfortably not interact with our spouse.

My little feathered friends have learned how to communicate.

They are actually very good, and could teach us a thing or two.

Communication takes work and can easily be avoided, but the void will catch up with you down the road, and by then it may be too late. Once you learn how to get a dialog started, engage your spouse, and work on keeping the dialog open, the hardest work is done and the rewards will be immeasurable.

I wish someone had communicated this to us twenty years ago.

The Five Reiki Principled

BY DR.MIKAO USUI


I - Just for today, I will not be angry.
Anger at others or oneself or at the whole world, creates serious blockages in one's energy. It is the most complex inner enemy.

Reiki is an excellent tool to remove anger blockages which have accumulated in the body over years, but it cannot remove the residue of current anger which occurs daily.

Letting go of anger brings peace into the mind.


II - Just for today, I will not worry.
While anger deals with past and present events, worry deals with future ones. Although worry is not always a negative phenomena, endless worries may fill one's head, and each one bores a small hole in one's body and soul. While anger requires a focused Reiki treatment to remove obstacles, worry requires the energy to be spread throughout the entire body.

Letting go of worry, brings healing into the Body.


III - Just for today, I will be grateful.
Be grateful from your hart inward. Inner intention is the important element in this principle. Simple things as thanks, forgiveness, smile, good words, gratitude can improve others life and make them happy.

Being thankful brings Joy into the Spirit.


IV - Just for today, I will do my work honestly.
Support yourself and your family respectably, without harming others. Earn a respectable living, live a life of honor.

Working Honestly brings Abundance into the Soul.


V- Just for today, I will be kind to every living thing.
Honor your parents, honor your teachers, honor your elders.

Being Kind brings Love into the Will.




2003 www.reiki-for-holistic-health.com
Brampton, Ontario, Canada

A three-day weekend - ugh!

It is the final day of a three-day weekend! Yay!!!

I used to look forward to weekends because there was the promise of family time.

Our weekends were usually filled with activity, but the family time that I think I remember wasn't as idyllic as I think I remember it to be.

Looking back now, I realize that a great many weekends in recent years were either filled with driving to extra curricular school activities, where bonding wasn't the top priority, or days filled with waiting for my husband to finish a project or finish working on the cars or the yard, all of which where solitary activities that may have been used as an escape.

I dread weekends now, and on this long weekend I've been doing a lot of thinking about why I dread them so much if I never really had the weekends that I had longed for.

Weekends have always meant family time, and I still see them as family time. Since my separation, I have felt terribly lonely, but the loneliness I'm experiencing now is different from what I can now see were lonely weekends even though there were two other people around the house.

I don't know if any of us are to blame, but it is clear to me now that none of us were able to ask for what we needed. Communication is so critical, and apparently, we as a family, never developed the skill.

Weekends will probably be lonely for a while, but now I think I have a better understand as to why they haven't been my favorite time of the week.

This weekend I did get to see Nanny, and I had a flurry of birds at the feeder, so there were only short periods of loneliness. Thank you, my feathered friends!! (Now I will probably be known as the crazy bird lady, as opposed to the crazy cat lady!)

Valentine's Day

I have reach a very significant anniversary, and I haven't turned to ash, so I think everything will be okay.

Valentine's Day was never a very important day for me, but for 19 years my husband took the time to make it a very special day.

Last year, when everything changed, I was very sad and very sorry to see a cherished tradition, and a meaningful connection and relationship disappear.

If I ever seemed to not appreciate the love that went into that tradition, I apologize. It will always be a happy memory

Today I will work on my ever growing to-do-list, meet a friend for a movie and dinner and then I will spend the evening with my 15 year old cat who might product a fresh hairball as a gesture of love.

Enjoy the day, appreciate what you have, and try to "be" without regret (that last one is for me).

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Happy Chinese New Year

Another opportunity for a fresh start. For the Chinese New Year, you are supposed to clean your house of all the ills from the previous year by sweeping them out the door. Because it's so cold, I think I will do it metaphorically.

For my last day of the year of the Dragon, I entertained two furry babies. They weren't interested in doing anything constructive or productive. They were only interested in playing and eating, so that's what we did. I was able to get a couple, or three, good photographs of them while they ran around the backyard. It's been a long time since I've had a dog run around my backyard out of pure joy and entertainment. They really made me smile.

As much fun as it would be to have another dog fill my heart and my home, now isn't the time, but it's nice to know that I have friends who are willing to lend me a dog or two for the day.

Thank you for coming to play with me, Cooper and Coney!!

http://www.evalightfootphotos.com/Animals/Cooper-and-Conan-February-9/27940069_2QRLn6#!i=2358199308&k=StKPHnh

Cold, crisp air is good for the soul.

I filled my afternoon yesterday with cold air and animals. I had spent much of the weekend at home reading, so a ride in search of photo subjects seemed to be in order yesterday.

She kept a very close eye on me.

Why was there one mother and three calves?

 She almost looked like she was saying, come talk to me.

They didn't even notice I was there.

I have released the anger and the worry, and I'm enjoying my new found calm and enlightenment. I am relearning that I am capable and resourceful, and I am accepting that I need to take the time to work on me. 

I am also understanding that people need to handle things in their own way, at their own pace, with their own reality. And I'm realizing that not everyone who has been a part of my life will remain a part of my life, and that's starting to be okay. 

Communing with the great outdoors yesterday was good for my over worked brain cells.

There is a calm . . .

For more than a year, my life has been a roller coaster ride (I hate roller coasters). There have been very low dips and very high loops and turns.

I started reading "Divorce Hangover, A Successful Strategy to End the Emotional Aftermath of Divorce." I'm only about half way through it, but so far it has confirmed that what I've been feeling and experiencing is normal!

This whole process of healing has been quite an eye opener. I have been able to step back and look at things as an observer rather than a participant. I have been able to see things in a new light, and in doing so, I have been able to achieve a calm that I haven't felt in decades, if ever.

I can see the mistakes we both made in our relationship, and I can also see how others have played pivotal roles in my life and in our life as a couple.

Today is the sixth anniversary of my step-father's passing. I've been thinking about him today and looking at the life he lead. I can see parallels between him and my husband, and although there were distinct differences between the two men, there were many similarities.

My step-father stayed in a relationship that wasn't all together happy, but I think he got something that he needed from the relationship. My husband chose to leave, in search of greener pastures, but I hope that he, too, got something good from our relationship. Which man made the right choice? Maybe they both did. We all have to find the strength to do what's best for our own individual needs and well being.

I miss these two men who played such major roles in my life, and I wish happiness for them both.

Inauguration and Martin Luther King Day

It was a beautiful day for celebration. The sun was shining and the cold temperatures stayed away.

My intention for the day was to organize my office. That was my intention yesterday, too, but I had a small setback. I slicing my finger while washing out the kitchen sink. Who knew that cleaning was so dangerous. I got things done, but not all that I had wanted to accomplish.

Today my finger was more mobile, but I was in a terrible funk. It's a funk that set in a few days ago and I've been trying to work through it, but just couldn't do it today. It was a very melancholy day.

I headed out late this afternoon to enjoy the end of the day in the fresh air. As my reward for making the effort, there was a fabulous sunset.

This was right outside my front door. The sun was just starting to go down.

I had to drive a bit to find a place to take a picture that didn't have utility lines and buildings in the way, but it was worth it.

I look forward to a new day tomorrow, and hopefully it will be a productive day. Until then, I will enjoy the fact that I witnessed a beautiful end to a very special day. 

Men are from Mars . . .

Women - - Restrain from giving any unsolicited advice.

Men - - Listen whenever a woman speaks, with the sole intention of respectfully understanding what she's going through.

After receiving, and replying to an e-mail from my husband yesterday, I rolled it around in my head for hours. I was coming to the conclusion that I had been living with a stranger for 21 years, and couldn't understand why I had not seen it before yesterday. I knew we had differences, but I never gave it the credence it deserved.

I have always felt that we, as a couple, thought about things in basically the same way, with pretty much the same conclusions. But after reading his latest e-mail, over and over again, I was having trouble relating to the man whose words I was trying to make sense of.

This morning, I woke up still reeling from yesterday's correspondence, trying to put everything into perspective. I am no longer filled with the anger of six months ago, but I'm still bewildered and frustrated, so I analyse every bit of information and try to rationalize what is happening. Since the anger is subsiding, the ability to step back from the situation and think logically, is a little easier.

During this analytic process this morning, the much touted book of the 1990s popped into my head, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, by John Gray. I probably have a copy of it somewhere that was either given to me, or I purchased at the height of its popularity, but I don't believe I ever read it. Well, this morning I had a burning need to get my hands on a copy.

I went to Audible online, and they had the audio version that was read by the author himself. I had a credit, so I downloaded it and began listening. OMG, why had I not read this book!!! After just the first four chapters I was relating to everything he said. He was talking about us!

Because my husband refused to seek counseling, I believe that his wanting a divorce goes deeper than just not being able to communicate, and I believe that there has been irreparable damage done to our relationship, so I have no misguided belief that there will be a reconciliation, but I do now know, with nearly unquestionable certainty, that men and women are completely different beings.

If any of you are going through difficulties in your relationship, do not immediately assume that there is no help and that the end is near. Be open to a new way of seeing and relating to your partner - - and read John Gray's book.

Another fresh start . . .

I hadn't given it much thought, but tomorrow is my birthday. I started getting birthday wishes at the beginning of the week, which was my gentle reminder that it was just around the corner.

For years we, as a family, have had "birthday week" where we would do little extra things for the week of the upcoming birthday. On birthday morning, the birthday girl or boy would wake up to decorations in the living room, soap messages on the bathroom mirror (that tradition was started by my mother), and presents on the table.

For my birthday last year my husband went through the motions, but I knew his heart wasn't in it, and he made it so unhappy. I think it was one of my worst birthdays.

I miss the special things that he used to do for me. For example, on Valentine's Day he had always done a scavenger hunt. He wrote clues that would take me around the house, and at the end of the hunt there would be a present. Last year was the first year that he didn't do one for me, and it was on that day that I knew our marriage was over. 

Tomorrow I will wake up to the cat staring in my face, willing me to get up and feed her, and to a fresh pot of coffee. There won't be any decorations in the living room and there won't be a soap message on the mirror, but I think it will be just fine. It is another hurdle that I will get over and be happier for doing so.

To a happy celebration, and to a fresh start - - Happy Birthday to me!!!

Sunrise on the farm

I left the house early yesterday morning, and as I was driving, the sun came up. It was beautiful. But, not only was I driving, I failed to bring my camera with me, so I was unable to record the pink and orange ball.

I had one of those restless nights last night, so I stopped fighting the inability to sleep, and got up at 5:00 AM. I waited for the coffee to finish brewing (the coffeemaker turns on at 5:00 AM each morning and is usually waiting for me when I come downstairs), and fed the cat. After a couple cups, a Facebook check-in and a few e-mail replies, I decided to venture out and watch the sun come up. I was hoping it would be as brilliant as it had been the morning before.

There is a small, privately owned farm just a couple of miles away. I've been there a few times to take pictures. Once was to catch the Super Moon coming up over the horizon a couple of years ago. Another time was to take pictures of full moon higher up in the sky, and another time just to take pictures of the pond and the farm house. That's where I decided to go to wait for the sun.

I hadn't brought a coat or gloves with me - - what was I thinking?!? The temperature gauge in the car said it was 32 degrees. I figured I would only be there for a few minutes, so it was okay. I'm usually hot, so initially, the cold air felt good.

When I got out of the car, I found rows for cabbage. They were perfectly shaped and looked like they were just waiting to be picked, but with a layer of frost on them I knew they would never leave the farm. They called to me to take their picture.

Once the sun started to come up, it moved quickly. I kept changing my camera settings so I would be sure to get a couple good shots. By the time the sun rose above the trees, I was having trouble moving the dials on the camera because my fingers were so cold.

The sunrise wasn't as brilliant as it had been the morning before, but it felt good to be out and about, welcoming a new day - - even though I was freezing. Maybe I'll try again later in the week.

First Saturday of 2013

Now that we are five days into the new year, I'm finally finished putting my "2012 Daily Photos" on my website.

I dropped the ball about mid-August, so there were a lot of photos to go through, but there were photos and activities I had forgotten about. Although I didn't complete my goal of taking a picture every day in 2012, it is fun to go through all the pictures. It was a worthwhile attempt, and maybe I can complete the challenge this year.

So far, I have taken a picture every day this year! Today's photo was a picture of my daughter just before she left to go back to school.

She was here for three weeks, and other than a couple little hiccups, the visit went quite well. It was fun to have someone to share meals with (especially with someone who cooks!), laugh with, and go places with. Those are the things that I think I miss the most.

Now it's time to tackle my "To Do List" for the New Year - - starting tomorrow!

2012 Daily Photos:

http://www.evalightfootphotos.com/Photography/2012-Daily-Photos/20855040_mBwPDt#!i=2306211433&k=nJpxzTN

2013 Daily Photos:

http://www.evalightfootphotos.com/Photography/2013-Daily-Photos/27389688_53gTwP#!i=2305763426&k=CjZ9Cff

January 1, 2013

Happy New Year!

I made it through 2012 with only a few bumps and bruises. I've set new goals, and I washed the sheets (clean sheets always make me feel good).

My daughter, who has been home since December 15, will be heading back to school tomorrow. I hope she had a good break and that she's excited to start a new semester.

While I was waiting for the ball to drop last night, I reflected on the last year. Although I was busy, and I did a lot of things, it was probably the saddest year of my life. I was very happy to let it go at midnight and welcome fresh starts and new beginnings.

This will be the year of photography. A business plan, branding, portraits and events are all on the agenda.

 I still have some calendars, so if any of you still need a calendar for 2013, see this link: 

https://www.etsy.com/listing/117569679/2013-nature-photos-calendar

To see the calendar photographs, see this link:

http://www.evalightfootphotos.com/Photography/2013-Calendar/26334841_w7n7TC#!i=2194626833&k=s8bnp9J

Thank you, to my family and friends, for standing by me, putting up with me and loving me in 2012. Let's get started on an amazing New Year.