I used to look forward to weekends because there was the promise of family time.
Our weekends were usually filled with activity, but the family time that I think I remember wasn't as idyllic as I think I remember it to be.
Looking back now, I realize that a great many weekends in recent years were either filled with driving to extra curricular school activities, where bonding wasn't the top priority, or days filled with waiting for my husband to finish a project or finish working on the cars or the yard, all of which where solitary activities that may have been used as an escape.
I dread weekends now, and on this long weekend I've been doing a lot of thinking about why I dread them so much if I never really had the weekends that I had longed for.
Weekends have always meant family time, and I still see them as family time. Since my separation, I have felt terribly lonely, but the loneliness I'm experiencing now is different from what I can now see were lonely weekends even though there were two other people around the house.
I don't know if any of us are to blame, but it is clear to me now that none of us were able to ask for what we needed. Communication is so critical, and apparently, we as a family, never developed the skill.
Weekends will probably be lonely for a while, but now I think I have a better understand as to why they haven't been my favorite time of the week.
This weekend I did get to see Nanny, and I had a flurry of birds at the feeder, so there were only short periods of loneliness. Thank you, my feathered friends!! (Now I will probably be known as the crazy bird lady, as opposed to the crazy cat lady!)
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