Separation Etiquette

Today is the day I have been feeling apprehensive about for the last three months. 

Twenty-one years ago today was my wedding day, and it started in a hot air balloon. It was my wedding present to my soon-to-be husband. 

It was a magical morning. It was dark when we got into the van that took us to the launch site.  My fiance helped set-up the balloon and the basket, and just as the sun was coming up, we were aboard the craft and beginning our ascent. 

I remember there was mist on the ground, it was cool and so quiet - - except when the pilot filled the balloon with hot air, or was telling us where we were, or what was going to happen.

The chase van picked us up in the middle of a field and took us back to The Boar's Head Inn for champagne. When the pilot learned that we were on our way to get married, he said that we should have told him while we were in flight - - he would have married us. I occasionally wondered what it would have been like to have had him perform the ceremony. Would things have been different?

When we returned to my home to change for the scheduled ceremony,  my fiance's mother arrived. I was still upstairs changing when she got there. When I came downstairs I was hoping that my fiance would be surprised and happy when he saw me, but instead there was an awkward introduction to his mother, and then all of his attention focused on her.

Our ceremony was scheduled to take place in the court house. We parked and walked two blocks to the court house. Instead of walking with me, my fiance and his mother walked together in front of me. I'm not sure why warning bells weren't going off in my head, but I remember feeling very inconsequential on my wedding day. 

We decided to have the ceremony outside. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, a breeze was blowing, my family was there, and I was getting married.

After a very low key, unceremonious but lovely lunch at The Boar's Head Inn, we kissed everyone goodbye to begin our life together.

Today I've been wondering about "separation etiquette" and what is the proper thing to do when you are still a couple, but living apart. Do you acknowledge special dates, or pretend they don't exist? My husband does the latter and he has done this for every important date for the last nine months. I'm not sure how or why he has turned off all courtesy and emotion, but he has done it with great skill. 

I think, whether or not there is any written etiquette regarding this subject, you have to follow your heart and do what you think and feel is right. I can't pretend that this person hasn't been an important part of my life, especially this early in the separation process.